ALL SOUL’S DAY

Here in the Philippines, All Saints Day and All Soul’s Day are public holidays.  They’re considered holidays to give time for the people to visit their departed loved ones.  Well, as for me, I just offered prayers and lit a candle for my departed relatives.  I will just visit them maybe another time, when it’s less crowded.

Since I am writing about All Soul’s Day, another thing that came to my mind is the word “death”.  Whenever I think of it, I can’t help but feel sad and scared.  I fear not of my death, but  the death of my loved ones.  Losing a special person can be devastating… so, what I have learned from it is we should value each and every moment we spend with them.

 I lost my father at the age of 25.  It was more difficult for me, since he died in another country, and his body had to be brought back home.  It’s traumatic to see a loved one in a “box”, which for them, they ship as ‘cargo’…   Seeing him for the first time after 14 years was more difficult.  He died a month after his 61st birthday.  Before he passed away, we didn’t talk much.  The last conversation we had was not really a conversation, but just a text message that I sent on his birthday, a month before he died.  I send a plain “Happy Birthday from all of us” text… and he replied, “Thanks, I love you.”  So, of course, I replied again, “I love you too…”  And that was the last time I heard from him.  When I saw him, he was in a wooden box which hardly made him fit (he was six feet tall) and I touched him.. he was cold as ice.  I wanted to tell him so many things, but at that moment, I felt, it was too late.  I just whispered some things to him, that I know, one way or another, he would hear.  At that point, I realized numerous things.  In life, we encounter many loose ends, and yes, there would be severances between yourself and your loved ones.  But, it all boils down to this, “Life is short.”  Ler’s make the most out of it.  I sometimes ask myself, “If I would die tomorrow, what would I do today?”  Well, I came up with a long list of answers.  And, it includes expressing to my family how much I love them.

I love both my parents.  Though I grew up with my mother and apart from my father, I never had any bitterness against him.  But, the moment I saw him lifeless, I felt like blurting out ”I’m sorry” many times.  It was like, I had wasted all this time.  I should have told him everything I wanted to say when he was alive.  (*sigh*)

After his death, I have become more vocal to my loved ones, especially to my mom.  She’s the only parent I’ve got left.  I don’t keep anything from her, and I try my very best, to remind her that I love her everyday.  We don’t live together, but she visits my house almost every week.  Those are our special “bonding” time days. 

I love to count my blessings.  And when I do so, I start with my family.  Then, I never seem to stop counting